My Blog

Despite a very conservative estimate that continued global commitment to free trade would lift between 6.2 to 12.1 million people out of poverty by 2015, economic nationalism is rampant. The French believe yogurt to be of “strategic interest”, the Italian central bank engages in various shady maneuvers to keep Dutch and Spanish bidders from acquiring Italian financial institutions and most disturbingly a Republican party that is nominally for free trade (perhaps in the same sense that they support fiscal prudence and small government) was up-in-arms about the China Oil bid for UNOCAL. Now that Congress has thrown a huge wrench into a Dubai based company’s efforts to run Jennifer Lopez’s ass, I present to you some choice quotes from leading politician on the matter.

“My amendment was narrowly designed to address the widespread, national security concerns about the possibility of a foreign-owned company having direct involvement in the management of J.Lo’s Ass.  Reports that Dubai Booty World has agreed to sell its holdings of a subsidiary involved in managing J.Lo’s ass is encouraging news.  Our goal is to make sure that the security of our J.Lo’s ass is in America’s hands and I look forward to learning more about this recent development,” said House Appropriations Chairman Jerry Lewis

Sen. Menendez complained: "Jennifer Lopez’s ass is the front line of the war on terrorism. It both a vulnerable targets for attack and a venue for smuggling and human trafficking. We wouldn’t turn the border patrol or the customs service over to a foreign government, and we can’t afford to turn this fine booty over to one either.”

"Dear Mr President: In regards to selling J.Lo’s ass to the United Arab Emirates, not just NO but HELL NO!" Rep. Sue Myrick (R-N.C.) in a one-sentence letter to Bush.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said this is not the time "to outsource major ASSet security to a foreign-based company" and that "most Americans are scratching their heads wondering, ‘Why this company, from this region, now?’ "

As our AG Alberto ‘Ears’ Gonzales goes before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, let us consider Senator Russ Feingold’s accusation that Gonzales misled the Committee in January 2005. This story comes together without aid from the narrator, so read along with me kids and turn the page ever time you hear a muffled cry of "4th Amendment":

Part 1: Definitions
From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Hypothetical
Function: adjective
: being or involving a hypothesis : CONJECTURAL <hypothetical arguments> <a hypothetical situation>

Hypothesis: Etymology: Greek, from hypotithenai to put under, suppose, from hypo- + tithenai to put
1 a : an assumption or concession made for the sake of argument
   b : an interpretation of a practical situation or condition taken as the ground for action
2 : a tentative assumption made in order to draw out and test its logical or empirical consequences
3 : the antecedent clause of a conditional statement

Part 2: Assumptions

a. "In fact, the president did secretly authorize the National Security Agency to begin warrantless monitoring of calls and e-mails between the United States and other nations soon after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks." Washington Post Article on Jan 31, 2006

b. As White House Counsel at the time of the Sept 11 attacks and Attorney General since Feb 2005, there exists a statistically insignificant probability that Mr. Gonzales did not know about the warrantless wiretap program. In short bitch knew what was up.

Part 3: Conversation

Excerpt from a Jan 6, 2005 transcript of a senate judiciary committee hearing. (all emphasis added by me)

Sen. Feingold: And I also would like you to answer this: does the president, in your opinion, have the authority acting as commander in chief to authorize warrantless searches of Americans’ homes and wiretaps of their conversations in violation of the criminal and foreign intelligence surveillance statutes of this country?

MR. GONZALES: Senator, the August 30th memo has been withdrawn. It has been rejected, including that section regarding the commander in chief authority to ignore the criminal statutes. So it’s been rejected by the executive branch. I categorically reject it. And in addition to that, as I’ve said repeatedly today, this administration does not engage in torture and will not condone torture. And so, what you really are — what we’re really discussing is a hypothetical situation that –

SEN. FEINGOLD: I — Judge Gonzales, let me ask a broader question. I’m asking you whether in general the president has the constitutional authority, does he at least in theory have the authority to authorize violations of the criminal law under duly enacted statutes simply because he’s commander in chief? Does he — does he have that power?

MR. GONZALES: Senator, I — you — in my judgment, you phrase it sort of a hypothetical situation. I would have to know what — what is the — what is the national interest that the president may have to consider. What I’m saying is, it is impossible to me, based upon the question as you’ve presented it to me, to answer that question. I can say, is that there is a presumption of constitutionality with respect to any statute passed by Congress. I will take an oath to defend the statutes. And to the extent that there is a decision made to ignore a statute, I consider that a very significant decision, and one that I would personally be involved with, I commit to you on that, and one we will take with a great deal of care and seriousness.

Part 4: Advise

Poor Judge Gonzales, loyal minion of the Dear Leader, how does he defend his honor against this unpatriotic and treasonous attack from apple pie hating, godless liberals. He could play word games, after all Clinton got away with reclassifying blow job’s as non-sex (and could not seem to comprehend the meaning of ‘is’). Yet I doubt Gonzales could keep afloat the shenanigans of the Teflon coated Slick Willy.

He could pull a Bush and have selective amnesia and complete forget about ‘Weapons of Mass destruction’, but that might be rather difficult at a Senate Committee hearing. Yet there is a way out. Senor Gonzales, may I suggest a technique that has gotten many an immigrant out of a speeding ticket….

The “no habla inglés” defense

Scott Pitnick claims his research is "generally interested in the variety of ways in which members of the same sex compete for fertilizations and in which males and females cooperate with / attempt to manipulate one another in order to maximize their own fitness". But I know what it is really about: balls… and bats too (sorry could not resist the obvious)

Pitnick measured bat nuts (there was sufficient data published so his team did not have to ventures in dark caverns with Calipers to cop-a-feel) seeking to answer two questions; does promiscuity in the female of the species affect the size of testicles in males of the same species and what impact does this have on brain size?

Amongst the monogamous African yellow-winged bat the testicles were about 0.11% of body weight, whilst the very licentious Rafinesque Big-Eared bat bears a reproductive burden that is 8.4% of its body weight.

You can find read more about bat balls at Livescience (they also have an explicit image of bat genital), NewsScientist.com or read the Economist’s cheeky reporting

I quote from the Encyclopedia Britannica "born Feb. 26, 1918, Staten Island, N.Y., U.S. died May 8, 1985, Eugene, Ore.

Sturgeon was unusual among his peers in writing about loneliness, love, and sex. His typical protagonists are youthful victims of repression who are liberated from their isolation by the intervention of superhuman forces or by the development of their abnormal powers. His narratives are considered daring for featuring the problems of hermaphrodites, exiled lovers, and homosexuals. Although his stories have been criticized for their sentimental conclusions and adolescent emotionality, his concentration on human relationships is unique among Golden Age science-fiction writers."

Can’t say I have read anything he’s written - More than Human(1953), In Venus plus X (1960),  The Dreaming Jewels (1950; also published as The Synthetic Man), The Cosmic Rape (1958), and Some of Your Blood (1961) - but it appears he "once observed that ‘95% of everything is crap’". A man after my own heart… I see some Sturgeon in my furture

My sidekick broke down two days ago… after 65 min and 48 seconds on the phone with TMobile they are to replace… back order plus shipping time means two weeks with out phone… oh well… doo doo poo poo

But for those of you who have called but not heard back. I am not ignoring you (though I have been know to do that).

And yes RIP Robert Moog (read Mike’s blog http://livinginbpm.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/ for more info)… pour out some of your forty for him

Since I am suffering disillusionment with the Democratic Party and could not contemplate sharing a tent with the Rev. Dobson in the Republican Party, my avenues for political expression have been severely limited. How is a concerned citizen to engage when both parties drift to the extreme?

The solution: Draft Walken

He’s got a fever and the only prescription is…. Listen to the man himself

http://walken2008.ytmnd.com/

Also, the man burns in 16 days… oh yeah!!!

After much speculation and guessing we know the Half Blood Prince is John G. Roberts. I mean… its Severus Snape. Just got done watching Bush nominate the Supreme Court justice and I can’t seem to keep the various dark lords and their faithful servants straight. So I didn’t fact check this, but I believe Roberts would make the 107^th white guy to sit on the bench. Surely they must be one qualified conservative Hispanic, Woman or Asian (I use the term to encompass various peoples ranging from KimChee to Vindaloo). You can see a demographic breakdown of lawyers at http://www.abanet.org/marketresearch/lawyerdem2004.pdf

In his intro, Lord Voldebush makes this Roberts guy sound like he’s out of a Bon Jovi song (credit to Misha on that one). A smart kid from buffalo, living on a prayer while working in a steel mill in Indiana to pay his way through college. A big hair 80’s rocker girlfriend (who has now turned into a boring pink blob) etc… But then Bush tells me he’s one of the greatest legal minds of our times, so I’m all ears when he begins to speak. The greatest legal mind of our generation opens with a cliche about being both humble and proud… or some trite shit like that. Then it turns into a generic Oscar speech thanking his very generically named family mother (Candy?), sisters (Jackie, Debbie etc) and kids (Robbie, Timmy, Danny and the like).

It is easy to criticize though and not so easy to construct. Also, I am not implying Roberts is the below, I hope he is not. What would I have looked for in a justice? Conservative enough to not use the court as a policy making tool but not stupid enough to believe two things:

-         The original intent of a 200 year old document is decipherable (this argument must be premised on the ‘founder’ having a single intent, which in itself seems fallacious).

-         And if this intent is decipherable, that the intent of a recently free nation with an agro economy applies in its entirety to a post-industrial hyperpower.

And I do apologize if you had not finished (or started) the Half Blood Prince as yet. Yes… Snape is the Half Blood Prince and is still faithful to Lord Voldebush.

For those interested in the on-going saga of ‘SA CAR’… no it was not stolen but towed. Appears I had several parking tickets (completely unknown to me) outstanding and this was the city’s effort to get me to pay it. Its 8:40 AM on a Saturday and I headed to the exciting world of the Pulaski Highway Impound lot; where I shall drop enough cash to have gone skiing for a weekend… bummer

The Baltimore City Government website looks like puke and is takes long to find what you need on it but has useful a lot of useful online services. Someday if you’ve exhausted all viewing options on the World Wide Web you can check it out at http://www.ci.baltimore.md.us/

And the legal underpinning of this towing is bothering me… The city should be able impound my car to get the fines paid… no dispute with that. Here is my case; I got no notification from City Hall, the Baltimore police or MVA regarding the tickets. At no point was I told I had outstanding tickets, at no point was I warned I was sufficient delinquent and my car could be impounded. A ‘due process’ issue perhaps? I am supposed to hang with a couple of sharp Philly lawyers tonight… will blog some of that discussion. Also I really feel for Keno now! F the City of New London… land grabbing fascists

In other news… Luke’s birthday expedition was fun. John B was awesome, Sandra Collins was hot and Mike danced with a series of old school raver chicks… but they were all dismissed (by him) as failing in comparison… I shall be able to independently verify these claims this weekend.

Onward to impound hell!!!

Is anyone following this ‘turd blossom’ situation?

Here’s a excerpt from a CNN article ‘The president has said repeatedly, "I am a man of my word,’ " Wilson added. "He should stand up and prove that his word is his bond and fire Karl Rove.’ (my emphasis) 

Find me a republican that ‘core and I’ll pop-a-cap in his ass

The most enjoyable part of this whole situation has been Scotty ‘Ongoing Criminal Investigation’ McClellan press conferences. Check out the transcript of the press conferences on the 13th, 12th and 11th of July at http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/briefings/

You can find a clip at the link below or see the whole thing on c-span.org http://rawstory.com/news/2005/TRANSCRIPT_WHITE_HOUSE_GRILLED_0711.html